Annoying habits of people you live with

No matter how many times I try to kindly remind the people I live with that I am not a work-for-free maid, they still forget. In our particular household, I am constantly picking up after other people and it just drives me bonkers. I am at my wit’s end trying to figure out how to properly communicate with a teenager and an oblivious significant other who is just absolutely clueless about things.  It’s not that I don’t have better things to do – in fact I do, I just can’t stand it sometimes when people leave a mess.  Nothing also frustrates me more that after a long day of work — while everyone else can just sit on the couch and play with their phone, I am stuck cleaning. I wanted to be cool and looked for internet memes to share with them but couldn’t find any that was all encompassing.  (I am not sure at this point whether this is me being passive aggressive or just not giving a fig anymore)  I’ve decided on making a list and sticking this on the fridge tomorrow.  Please feel free to share on the comments below about what you think about my list.  And if you love this list, you can download either a PDF version here or an editable WORD version here.


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Putting empty boxes/containers/bottles back in the fridge/cabinet. Because finding that entire carton of milk only had 2 drops in it is awesome!

Leaving dirty dishes/empty glasses around the house.  Because a tiny little magical fairy aka the maid that doesn’t exist will pick it up and clean it for me.

Using cellphone at the dinner table. Let me read about something stupid on the internet instead of talking to people I am having dinner with.

Leaving a bunch of food/debris in the sink after using the sink. Because a tiny little magical fairy aka the maid that doesn’t exist just LOVE picking up all that gross crap from the sink that you just poured out of your bowl. YUM!

Not cleaning up the oven/stove after use. Because the next person who must use it just LOVE seeing all the grease and gunk that splattered all over the place! Maybe the fairy will do it for me?

Hair in the sink and bathroom areas. Because making other people gag is your goal/endgame here.

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Stealing chargers/moving them and not returning them to their original spots. Well next time when you have a dying phone, it won’t be where you thought it was!

After using the couch, not putting the pillows back in place and not folding the blankets. Because a tiny little magical fairy aka the maid that doesn’t exist will do it for me eventually!

Using other’s peoples things without asking and not putting it back. Please, help yourself… I love it when other people touch and use my shit!

Taking long showers. Hot water is unlimited!

Not hanging up the towel after a shower. Everyone loves a wet, moist, damp towel.

Leaving the toilet seat up.  Why, I do that all the time because I am fucking stupid!

Not replacing a nearly empty/completely empty toilet roll.  Who doesn’t love wiping their bare dirty asscracks with hands?

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2 Months into living in San Francisco, my love hate relationship with SF.. UPDATED*

It’s officially 2 months since I moved to San Francisco.  I always knew I would have a love hate relationship with this place, but I am discovering more about the things I do like about here, and also appreciate the things I took for granted living in suburbia Sacramento.

Coming from a smaller city like Sacramento (if I straight up call Sacramento small, the 916 folks would lose their fucking shit because apparently it’s the new Austin), I always thought it had a lot to offer — the night life you wanted (at a few spots throughout town), the affordable cost of living, the occasional tries-really-hard-to-be fun events that happens around town, and last but not least, the space to do the things you want to do and the resources to do it.  I know the last one sounds a bit vague, but you’ll understand where I am coming from after reading this.  I always defended against moving to a bigger city, because I genuinely liked my higher quality of life when it comes to living in Sacramento, or any smaller city that is not a huge metropolitan. Growing up in China, I know what it’s like to live among the populous.  For a big chunk of my childhood, I lived in a city call Guangzhou, one of the largest and most populated city in China with about 8 million people living in it. To give you some perspectives, it’s population is neck-in-neck with NYC.  I liked my space in Sacramento — parking is everywhere, the only caveat is finding a spot that is both SHADED and within pole vaulting distance to the automatic sliding doors where you’ll be instantly bathed in the comforts of automatic climate control.  I didn’t realize how LAZY and fat I was until I discovered how out of breath I get when I decide to walk around in the city.  But that’s the country life for ya, we like to drive our cars everywhere, and sometimes even park on the grass.

However, living in the city like San Francisco presents an entire set of challenges that are commonly acknowledged but rarely understood.  These things might or might not include: astronomical rent, having a yard that you can just let your dog out to, curb-side parking readily available for anyone, a hobby room, clean streets that doesn’t smell like urine or have crazy hobos loitering, free parking, and last but not least, iced water.  I know the last one is crazy, but SF is one of the few cities in America that does NOT serve ice water on autopilot.  A lot of times, I have to ask for it in restaurants, sometimes emphasize on the word “ICE” like I am a lunatic.  I am not roughing it as hard others I know that are living in the city.  I have it pretty good here since I have a decent paying job that allows me to afford certain luxuries.  I also occasionally enjoy telling people who doesn’t live in the city how much I pay for my 2 bedroom apartment that I share with my roommate. It’s a guarantee jaw dropper — followed by words of disbelief.  In fact, I use it as ice breakers and conversational leaders when I am stuck in a room with nothing else to talk about.  Nothing gets people going like crazy rent prices.  My expenses are also out of this world since I have a house that I have to pay for in Sacramento, so I am extra fucked if I don’t hustle, and even though I bitch and whine about working so much, I wouldn’t know what to do with all my extra free time. Actually I lied — I do know what to do with my extra free time, I just said that to make myself feel better.

Despite the lack of amenities that I just complained about,  I do love a lot of things about living in the city.  Public transportation is pretty good here in San Francisco.  Not as awesome as NYC’s subway system, but it’s half way decent.   I am lucky that where I live, I am so close to everything. I can go shopping to all of the top retailers in the world, visit world renown museums — all within 10 minute walking distance.  I can also go to Michelin starred restaurants, and yeah, that’s in PLURAL, and that’s because there are 17 of them within 3 mile radius from my house. If I had taken a job in say, Redwood City in the dreadful Silicon Valley, at best I’ll get is the Cheesecake Factory (whilst I dine among 20 other Indian families and 4 other dudes of various ethnicity but never got the memo to stop wearing Aeropostale past the age of 20).  Granted, it is slightly cheaper to live there, a 1 bedroom apartment in San Jose goes for about 2/3 of the price in San Francisco, and there’s PLENTY of parking… but in terms of world-class events and being a central hub of culture, art, and emerging trends, no other city quite has it down in the spades like San Francisco, and especially all within close proximity of each other.

The weather here is awesome.  I know a lot of people don’t like the “gloom” that certain parts of San Francisco experience on a daily basis, but I just LOVE the micro climates here. If I want sun, I’ll go east. If I want cooler weather, I’ll go west.   I am slowly exploring what San Francisco has to offer, all while trying to decipher what’s bullshit/stupid hype and what’s actually worth experiencing.  I’ve also joined the civic symphony, and it’s definitely an interesting experience.  I love the cuisine and the plethora of choices this tiny 7×7 city has to offer. It has all of the hustle and bustle, craziness and changing landscape that any big city has, but a huge chunk of that distinct SF charm is still intact, and can be seen in almost every corner you turn to.  I can always tell that whenever I am randomly picking up a conversation with people on the streets here, who is from out of town, and who is born and raised in SF.

If I have to give someone advice about living in SF, someone new, and never lived in the city before – about what it’s like to live here and what to expect, I just have one: It’s what you make it.

You don’t have to buy into the culture and participate in all of the artsy/eclectic/albeit sometimes bizarre things that makes SF, well, SF.  You can go from point A to point B in uber alone and rely solely on Eat24 and Caviar to provide your meals.  You don’t have to go to Dolores park with your sandwich and beer and talk to the 20 other hippies that might run by to pet your dog. You don’t have to do yoga or pilates and eat only organic vegetables whilst go on a juice cleanse because all of your friends have tried it.  SF is what you make it out to be

New beginning, new complaining…

It’s been one week since I officially moved in.

During this first week,  I have learned a few things about living in the city.  Every girl I know here are obsessed with Yoga, and every other guy I meet is working for a startup in the basement of somewhere.  SF has no shortage of opinionated people, oddball fusion restaurants that just sounds wrong, and an abundance of those who vocalizes about their particular quasi-socially-responsible-and-organic-everything-i-know-alot-about-random-health-foods-and-do-all-kinds-of-weird-shit lifestyles — all saturated in this overinflated of everythingness culture.  Everything is a little bit more extreme here.

It is true, this city is a beautiful city.  I sometimes forget that people travel from faraway lands to come to this place to experience all the lovely California-ness that San Francisco has to offer and represents, but to me, maybe because I am here day-to-day, I no longer stop to smell the roses.  I had no idea how nice it was to have parking spots in Sacramento, and I had absolutely no idea what a stress it is on every day life here trying to find them.  Speaking of which parking, I got my FIRST ticket the first week here.  And it’s $106 dollars.  FML

My least favorite thing other than parking I found about SF is that all the restaurant reviews on Yelp are bullshit.  I really don’t know who the hell is writing all those 5 star reviews, but 2/4 restaurants I visited that were suppose to be amazeballs were absolute shit.  Everything is more expensive here, and if you want “fair” prices, you better be willing to venture into the ghetto or Chinatown for it, because you’re going to pay a 20-40% premium on everything you buy.

To summarize my first week, I thought I’d share an illustration ↓

Finding parking in San Francisco is like trying to swat a fly with your  bare hands.  You might snag one here and there, but most of the time you arrive a places that you thought was for sure it, but it wasn't a spot.

Finding parking in San Francisco is like trying to swat a fly with your bare hands. You might snag one here and there, but most of the time you arrive a places that you thought was for sure it, but it wasn’t a spot.

What life is like being a parent to a 15yr old in your late twenties — pt.1

It’s that time of the year again where I throw my annual Game of Thrones viewing party.  I am quite bummed this year because I normally have a REALLY well thought out menu like weeks in advance. However, with the 15 year old living with me this year for the past 8 months, life has NOT been easy and it’s been a pain in the ass quite frankly.  To explain this phenomenon also known as the Chinese Relative Guilt, I have a 15 year old living with me who is from China, he is my cousin from my mom’s side, and I am his legal guardian/parent while he attends high school and college here.  Was this my choice? Absolutely not.  Who sold my uncle and aunt the idea of shipping their kid here for me to take care while they stay in China? My mother of course, who is ever so enthusiastically campaigning for our entire extended family to move to the United States, particularly California, especially Sacramento, and if the real estate market is favorable and has the supply, definitely buy a house within our gated community. Preferably not on the other side of this circular gate, but within 50 paces. Is my mother here to help me since she was the one who brazenly volunteered me (and my poor boyfriend) the parental duties of a teenager? Nope.  My mom is actually in China at the moment.  And even when she was here, she rarely picked him up from school and never came home until it was the wee hours of the morning. My mother parties with her friends like a twenty something year old would five nights out of the week, and instead of beer pong, they play mahjong instead.  Were my feelings or willingness to take up the task ever questioned or even considered? In true old school Communist fashion, individual opinions doesn’t matter.  The Collective (as in the extended family network of uncles, aunts and what not) has already decided it for me.

Quite frankly, it was the Chinese Relative Guilt that’s what got me into this mess really.  I am too patriotic — as the 15yr old calls it.  I have neither the courage nor the heart to say no to anyone who is in my family because one simply does not question the decision made for you by your elders.  Why not? Some call it filial piety, I call it being a pushover nice person.  Especially if that person was your mom, and she is the matriarch of the entire extended family. For example, when they collectively decided that my old commuter car was too crappy and I didn’t needed a new car, I should buy a new one that gets the best mpg in the market because who knows, I might also have to drive their kid around.  At the end of the day, I do have an option — I can tell them I can’t do this anymore and I want to send their child to Homestay instead, and say fuck it all, but that would just mean I am weak and lazy, and I HATE being associated with the word or thought of being lazy.

However, as you can see in an earlier Instagram post, my faith was sealed the moment the carpool sticker arrived and I was happier than a fat kid at a buffet.

Sleep, what’s that? Staying out late? What’s that?

Moreover, my poor boyfriend is also caught in the web of constant chauffeuring with no end in sight. Have our lives changed? Absolutely.  We attend swim meets instead of going on date nights now. I stay home to cook for a horde famished hyenas (really it’s just 3 people in the house but the 15yr old somehow manages to put away more food than I can keep up cooking) and we don’t go out for fancy dinners anymore.  In fact, I haven’t been to one of those in about 7 months.  I have neither the financial ability nor the patience to take a 15yr old to anywhere that doesn’t serve it all-you-can-eat style.  It is true that all he really needs to survive are some Hot Pockets and steady WiFi, but he isn’t the most difficult nor the easiest teenager to live with.  In fact, he makes it his mission to badger us everyday every other day whether if we have some form of entertainment planned in the upcoming weekend for him. Most of the time, I just laugh at his face and ignore his entitled ass and tell him to go clean the toilets if he wants his ridiculous $80 monthly allowance.  He does clean all of the toilets in the house and he does an okay job on the bowl and the sink, but don’t count on him to get on the floor and wipe the piss off the ground.  I still have to do the mopping.  When I was his age, I’d be lucky if I get $20 bucks from my mom in a year.  But hey, with the inflation and the manual labor that he is somewhat contributing, it’s not that bad I suppose.

Especially when I get to “deduct” random amounts from him whenever he pisses me off or commits an act of stupidity.

This is Andy, the 15yr old at his first American dance, the Homecoming

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Here's Andy, my cousin who is here as international student, and I am also his legal guardian. I went with him to buy his dress shirt and sports coat, told him that when it's time to take a girl out for a formal dance, he has to take her wherever she wants to go, pay for the dinner, photos, provide transportation, and get her a corsage. He did most of it correct except for the last part. He told me that she didn't need a corsage so I didn't have to worry about it (so I didn't). 30mins before the dance, he frantically texts me while I was at the grocery store that he didn't know he was suppose to get her a corsage. Good thing I have made it before for my own dances in the past, so I grabbed some bouquets and made his date a bracelet corsage. Turns out she liked it a lot, and my entourage (3 friends visiting from out of town + Tyler) and I tagged along for an impromptu dinner at the same restaurant he and his date were dinning at. I tried my best to embarrass him, by sneaking behind their table multiple times to take paparazzi style photos. Turns out he and his friends didn't find me embarrassing at all… Because as soon as I pull the phone to take photos of them, all the kids in the group date were like owwwww is that an iPhone 6+? Moral of the story is, you can't be embarrassing when they think you're cool.

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During the winter holidays, my extended family members enjoy tormenting me by shipping all of their Chinese offsprings to my home refugee camp for a week or so of pure torture American holiday experience. 

More will come to me later, but this is my rant for now.

How I am dealing with pityriasis rosea – symptoms, experience, and remedy/solution

Update: 5/10/15 if you’re here to see what ended up working for me, see my latest post on how I finally got rid of this via my doctor my doctor prescribing me Prednisone after all of which the things I tried mentioned in this old post failed. 

Old post:

 I am on a roll here, I haven’t post this much since I first started this blog more than 5 years ago. I first discovered that I had pityriasis rosea about 2 weeks ago.  I started getting these random red itchy bumps all over my pelvic area. I was itching like a mofo and my boyfriend thought it must have been mosquito or flea bites from my dogs. But I had just gotten my fur kids groomed and they were regular on their flea medication, and also they were indoor dogs as they rarely spent more than a couple of hours outdoors so it couldn’t have been them.  I even changed my sheets a couple of times because I thought it was bed bugs, but it didn’t make any sense because my boyfriend had no symptoms of bug bites.  After a week and half of suffering, I finally made a doctor’s appointment and within 24 hours, I was able to see my general doctor for some answers.
The Diagnosis

As soon as I lifted my shirt up, my doctor cracked a smiled and immediately diagnosed me.  Apparently, this is very common, especially amongst women between 10-36yrs of age.  My appointment was so quick, I was dismissed by my doctor within 5 mins of her walking into the exam room, and she practically told me to suck it up for the next 2-8 weeks because it will go away on it’s own.

Needless to say, I was a little pissed about the diagnosis and the lack of treatment.

What is Pityriasis Rosea

Here are a few common things I found out about this disease:

  1. Pityriasis rosea is not contagious – those around you won’t get it, so yes you can go to work and pretend everything is normal.
  2. It is a type of skin condition that no one knows the cause, and you might or might not itch – but if you do, in the words of another anonymous sufferer that shared on another forum, you’ll itch so bad that you’re not sure whether if you “want to slice your skin off or drive into a bus”.  As I am typing this, I am itching.
  3. PR is stress related.  The more stressed you are, the worse the flare up.
  4. Not a lot of research has been conducted on the origin of this skin condition – meaning no one really cared enough to find out what causes it, and how to get rid of it.
  5. An experience that will last on average 6-8 weeks, sometimes longer (rarely shorter), and you might or might not get it again, but most people have immunity towards it after they get it.
  6. Most of the suffers I read online were females – even though statistics say it was split pretty much down the middle between the genders with a little bit more female sufferers.
  7. It’s related to a type of herpes (not the genital kind, don’t worry).
  8. It isn’t caused by the flu shot.

The Experience

Right after my diagnosis, I immediately followed my doctor’s advice and got some hydrocortisone cream, Cetaphil body wash + lotion, and allergy medication like Zyrtec and Benedryl.  A week into using these things, none of them worked.  So I went back to the internet and did some more research.  After a couple hours of reading, I have come to the conclusion that every person’s experience with PR is different, and their remedy/solutions are just as different as their experience.  Nevertheless, I found that most of the people that put forth the effort to share their experiences with PR are those who are suffering the most (i.e. the people that are suffering from some serious itchiness but can’t stop it), and I am one of those.  Here is a photo of the right side of my body around the torso area.  As you can see, these are pretty fresh still (as I am writing this, I am about 3 weeks into PR).

The Remedy/Solution

As with most people who are suffering PR, they want to find out what really helps with the itching, and how to expedite this experience and minimize the suffering.  I for one, have started doing a couple of things base on my research online.  I’ve started TANNING, and it’s funny because I never thought I would go into a tanning bed, EVER.  I am so pale, I have an intense fear of tanning due to the fact that it can 1) cause cancer, 2) expedite the aging process, and most importantly 3) give you wrinkles.  I had to set my fear of tanning aside because apparently, tanning helps a lot with expediting the process of recovery.  I am not sure if its the UVA or UVB rays that would help it, but I am not the first to use tanning as a solution.   To make it easier, I found a place really close to my work, and got their one-month unlimited tanning package. Today was my second session – the first day I did 5 mins on the bed, and today I did 7 mins.  I plan on going back in about 2 days and keep the dosage low at about 5-8mins depending how I am feeling.  So far, I haven’t felt the difference in how I am itching, but I do notice my patches are healing faster – so I think it is doing something for the speed of this experience.

Another thing I read on the internet that had helped a lot of people with PR is the usage of Head & Shoulders Clinical Strength Shampoo as a body wash.  I had originally followed my doctor’s orders with the usage of Dove soap bar and Cetaphil body wash after my diagnosis, but they didn’t work.  So tonight, I decided to try Head & Shoulders.  I pretty much lathered myself from head to toe with this stuff.  Since most people recommended NOT to take hot showers (and I love a hot shower), I couldn’t do cold showers, so I pretty much used the temperature I am use to, but the only difference is crank down the temp as I am about to get out to cool down my body. Right after the shower – I felt very good.  No itching, and I felt very refreshed (it also helped that the shampoo smelled fantastic in comparison to the Cetaphil body wash I was using).  But a couple of hours later, I had a little bit of itch returning.  I also applied the Cortizone lotion all over my body immediately after the shower.  Luckily, my boyfriend had some acetonide cream around (prescription only) and they seem to have some effect on reducing the level of the itchiness.

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The Remedy: Acetonide Cream, Head & Shoulders Clinical Strength, and Cortizone-10 Intense Healing Lotion

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One of the solutionsI had read on the internet for pityriasis rosea was tanning beds. I went about 5-8mins 4 times a week.

Conclusion

Right now, I am only about three weeks into pityriasis rosea, I have a feeling I still have another week or two to go before my body will start to kick it for good – but I will try to post my progress in a couple of days after using the Head and Shoulders and Cortizone-10 stuff + tanning.

I hope my insight and experience with PR will help others who are also suffering from this same condition.  I would also love for others who are currently experiencing (or experienced) PR to share their experiences here with me and fellow sufferers, especially providing insight and solutions that helped with alleviating their symptoms.

Happy holidays

Maybe it’s just me but for some reason I see way more people on Facebook post “happy new year” than “Merry Christmas”. Maybe because the trend is that more people are becoming secular, or maybe people are just more self absorbed and wanted their social network to know that they celebrated New Year’s Eve with friends and wore fancy outfits.  Anyways, I spent the entire day making rounds visiting family with the bf and yes, I went out the night before and had a fantastic time instead of staying home.

Anyways, I’ve ranted enough, and here are some pictures of my Christmas Day meal, and all the food I prepared for the Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas Day dinner.

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the “never-will-be-finished” painting

I am seriously having trouble focusing and doing the things I use to love doing.   I am one of those people who have more hobbies than you can count on both hands… I dabble in a little bit of everything every now and then, and is a master of none of my hobbies.  Recently, I’ve been trying to get back into doing oil paintings again, and I thought to myself, what better way to get back into painting again than to pick up where I left off? When I first picked up painting again few years ago, I started this huge landscape painting of a scenic place that’s very famous in Shanghai.  The painting itself is about 3 feet tall and 7 feet wide. Before that, I painted a 1×1 sunflower, the next one was this humongous thing.  I thought to myself – I can handle this.  With my painting instructor by my side, I finished about 60% of the painting within 2 weeks – spending a total of 30 hours on it.  Fast forward 3 years later, with the painting brought back with me from China, I wanted to start painting again – only this time, I can’t find the painting anymore. The entire painting rolled up in a canvas cloth – GONE.

I mean, its one thing on my part for being lazy and not wanting to finish this ever – but another when I finally find the time and courage to do it again (it is quite daunting, trying to finish that thing), and not being able to find it again – and after spending so much time already – GONE???

It’s quite frustrating and saddening at the same time. Maybe it’s time I painted something else…

the unfinished painting (3x9ft)

^now officially missing.

Lessons in love

One of the things I have learned from being in relationships is that you learn not just how to be in a relationship, but you also learn a lot about yourself. Being in different relationships however, has taught me many lessons in life that I would have probably not learned about myself if I had been single. Each serious boyfriend I’ve ever had, has taught me tremendous lessons in life and helped my path to self discovery.

When I was younger, like most girls, I’ve always had a set of list that my potential boyfriend must qualify in order for me to date him. I remember making that list in high school, with most of my friends thinking how crazy I must be coming up with crazy shit like that, but deep inside, unlike most people who have a mental list in their mind, I had it listed out on an online journal (remember, I use to blog before blogging was even a term – this was between 1999-2001). I knew I was setting the bar high, but why not I thought to myself — I deserved it.

Like everything with time, expectations change, and as you grow and evolve to become an adult, a lot of the things that I had listed as a requirement when I was 15 had become superfluous, while other qualities illuminate as “must-haves”. But when you fall in love with a person, those items on the list becomes trivial – sometimes I even bend the rules a little bit to fit the bill. To be honest, most of the guys whom I have dated probably doesn’t even come close in passing half of the requirements on that list. If I could do a chart base on the different grades I would give to all of my ex-boyfriends and dudes I’ve dated, you would probably see a very inconsistent line that resembles a roller coaster ride. Let’s just say that base on my dating history, I went from having really high standards, to no standards, and finally to some standards. Do I still have that list or follow it? Of course not, but come to think of it, I still might have it stashed somewhere in a harddrive in the garage…

When you become intimate with another person, you don’t just learn about who they are, what they’re really like, you also learn how to be with that person. When you’re in love, there is no other feeling like it – the bliss, excitement, and rush of blood, and so on. But when it all comes to an end, there’s no pain like a sinking heart break. I am sure there are boundless literature and books out there that talks about the benefits of being in a relationship and how to deal after a breakup, but what I think I’ve learned the most from all of my relationships is that every day is a challenge to not only become a better person, but also a discovering of one’s innerself. Going back to lessons learn from the different people you become close with, I think it’s best if I just list it. For the purpose of this post, I will only reference the lessons I’ve learned from serious serious relationships.

The First:

No one will ever forget their first love. My first love changed me, and I didn’t know what being in love was like, until I saw myself changing before my eyes – and that’s a good thing. My first love was a boy who was a bit older than me and lived very far away. The idea of being with him was more fun than actually being with him to be honest. But being in love for the first time, for some reason, made me a much nicer person. I was friendlier, happier, and less stuck up – coincidentally, this is the same time I abandoned my list. I was so happy and stupid in love that I didn’t even care anymore about any “standards” I had previously lucidly concocted – and that’s a bad thing in hindsight. Even though it was brief, it left a lasting impression. Needless to say, I still have a lot to learn about love. My lesson from this boy however, was that some men are more cowardly than others. This one, well, he didn’t have the balls to breakup with me, so instead of breaking up with me, he just ignored me instead. So after a few weeks of constantly trying to find out what was going on and why he wasn’t returning my emails or call, I finally got the hint. But seriously, not even a word and just dropped off the radar? What a coward. Moral of the story: you have standards the first place, don’t let love blind you. They’re call “standards” for a reason.

The Dreamer (aka the Loser):

This was the boy that I was in and out of a relationship with over a span of 5 years. When you’re in your late teens and early 20s, 5 years is a long time to waste. However, of all of the ex BFs, I have to admit that he was the nicest to me. When I was ill and bed-ridden for a week, he didn’t left my sight and tended to me around the clock. Deep inside, he was a wonderful and kind person; however, his behavior and actions were the exact opposite. He was the liar, thief, con-artist, two-timing loser and shameless manipulator. With that being sad, what I learned from him is that you should never trust someone whole heartedly if you have a gut feeling deep inside, knowing that something isn’t right, and get the fuck out of that relationship the moment something is wrong. Some of the crazy stupid shit I’ve done while I was in a relationship with this guy made me realize how lucky I am to be alive today. Of course I didn’t learn my lesson of keeping the standards. Initially, the boy had potential, but when he started to downward spiral, I should’ve known better than to stick around. The lesson I learned was that, don’t ever go back to your ex because you still have feelings for that person, and hoping for the 30th time that you’ve broken up, that maybe this time, he will finally change for you. Truth is, he will never change. Moral of the story: It’s easier to move a mountain than to change a person’s character (Chinese proverb).

The Thinker:

Of all of the relationships, this was the one that opened my eyes about a lot of things. The Thinker was a brilliant young man with a lot of potential. However, potential is useless if you have no ambition or perseverance to harvest it. Intellectually, I had the best time with The Thinker. We were always exchanging thoughts and ideas, and was always challenged to think outside of the box. Not many people can make me do that – and he did, frequently. Good thing about being with someone as brilliant as he (he was clinically diagnosed as a genius) is that you learn to have new perspectives. With The Thinker, I learned to become more tolerant, learn to respect, and see things from others eyes. I can’t say enough good things about The Thinker because he opened my mind about a lot of things, but sometimes he enjoys analyzing things so much, and a lot of times even over-analyzing things, made it cumbersome to be around. In fact, intimately, things were going downhill. When that’s all he wanted to do – to analyze a situation, a thing, a person, etc., it gets tiring, mentally draining, and you lose focus on the simple things in life that made relationships important. In fact, he got so comfortable with me as a companion and friend, than a girlfriend, I eventually fell out of love. At the end of the relationship, we were both in two different stages in our life. I was ready to take the next step, he wasn’t. He still wanted to be a kid. I remember our fights use to be volatile because we were both stubborn, opinionated, and unforgiving at times. I’ve never been called out so many times during our fights where I thought I could bs my way through a fight (being a girl, you bs a lot in fights to get your way). Maybe because I reminded him too much of his own mother, and maybe if certain situations had been different, he could have easily been the one. Moral of the story: A successful relationship should be a well-rounded one, just because the other person is a great person, doesn’t mean he or she is the right person for you. If something is missing, and you feel that there’s a void there that you just can’t fill, get out.

The NYSX:

The reason I call this one the New York Stock Exchange because being with him was like a day at the stock market. You never know what’s going to happen. Somedays are great, somedays are terrible, and somedays you’re just barely getting by without losing it all. The NYSX and I have always had a thing for each other for a long time. When we first met, we instantly connected. In my mind, The NYSX was this glorious, unattainable, forbidden love that I like to fantasize about in my “what-if” situation thoughts. When we first met, we thought nothing serious could ever happen between the two of us because of the distance (we met when we were in our late teens, early 20s), so it all started with some shameless flirting when we were younger. Fast forward many years later, once we were reconnected thanks to mutual friends, we couldn’t help but give it a try – I mean come on, we’re adults now, we can do whatever we want! The NYSX taught me that to be with someone, you need to have patience, tolerance, courtesy, and don’t just hear the words your significant other is saying, you have to listen. Unlike The Thinker, The NYSX was a very giving and selfless lover. Some of our best times together were those very tender intimate moments. We made the most of our time together. We were so serious, that we even considered marriage. Maybe we were wiser when we were younger – knowing that it wouldn’t work the first place because of the distance – and ultimately, this was what broke us appart – the distance. That feeling of falling out of love had happened to me right before my eyes. As things took a turn for the worse with things not working out the way we had planned it (work, school, relocation etc), we knew the odds were against us. I always thought to myself, if we hadn’t actually try to have a relationship, The NYSX would have stayed beautiful, flawless and untarnished forever in my mind – something that I could no longer dream about. Now that we’ve experienced what it’s like to be together and get real serious, I saw the good, the bad, and the ugly side that I never expected to see. Moral of the story: No matter how hard you try, if it’s not ment to be, it’s not meant to be.

I hope you enjoyed my stories, let me know what you think!

Graduating soon, some concluding thoughts as a grad student

For the past year and half I have devoted majority of my time to grad school.  Even though I still have a few months left, it feels like my time as a student is coming to an inevitable end all too soon.  Gone will be the days where I get to wake up whenever I want, stay up however late I want, and skip class when I don’t feel like it and just have a “me” day.  As irresponsible as that sounded, I am very studious about my school work, and my attitude towards grad school is still very devoted.  If I told you grad school was all a piece of cake, I would be lying.  There were nights of paper writing into the wee hours of the morning, and there were also days where I saw the night more than I saw daylight.  But there were also classes that were laughably easy and I couldn’t believe I was calling it “grad school”.  Soon, I’ll be back to the 9-5 grind that made me go back into school the first place.  What will be my thoughts then? There will be no escaping the “real world” as my boyfriend likes to call it whenever he feels that I am being a spoiled brat.  I do feel a bit spoiled and privileged being in grad school, but I think I have earned my right to be here for the time being.

Truth is, I am excited, sad, and torn between the thought of going back to work.  First off, with the economy still in the ditch, and there’s nothing more depressing the going to an interview where 50 other people are there for the same job and 1/2 of them are more experienced and better qualified for the job than you are.  I truly believe that finding the right job is a cross between a little bit of science, a lot of luck, and bit of art thrown in.   It has been years since I went to an interview.  How will my interview skills hold up then? Last time I was in an interview I was interviewing other people. To be on the other side of the table again makes me very nervous.

Once graduated, I think I will miss the freedom of being a student, and the people of academia more than anything else.  I will no longer be surrounded by people who are eager to learn about new and exciting things, and are passionate about what they are researching.  One of my favorite things about grad school in comparison to undergrad is that people’s attitude towards learning is very different.  Everyone who has made it to grad school wants to be there a 110% of the time, and are eager to do their work and put the time and effort in everything they do.  Obviously there are outliers, but the fact of the matter is most of the time, that’s how graduate students feel.

Coming to an inevitable end, finishing grad school is like closing another chapter in my life.  As a 26 year old, it also means it’s time to finally grow up.